Victoria Saliva is without doubt one of the most famous spitting Ladies around, so I didn’t hesitate when I saw Her mouthwatering ad the other day. I mean: a Spit-In, that was truly a wet dream come true! So I travelled to Spit-alfields in London to meet Her at last. There were over thirty saliva slaves waiting in line, all ready to pay the hefty fee to get in. But boy, was it worth it! Her spit is stunningly proportioned, ripe, full body, intense and with an inner-core of creamy, highly extracted strawberry fruit. Grand Cru Spit, priceless and addictive! Lady Saliva also played a Spit-Snap game with us. She sprinkled Her spit randomly around and it was our task to catch it with our mouth before it splashed onto the floor. A guy from Northumberland (or: North-humble-land, as he used to say) won the contest and got a free Saliva Shower. Well, it was more a flood, to be honest. Hence Her nickname: Victoria Falls.
I was 12 years old when I asked Karin if She would be kind enough to spit in my mouth. She looked at me as if I were a walking fart and told me to buzz off. I did, but I was back the next day. And the day after that. Finally, after weeks of pleading and begging, She spat on my mouth. God, I nearly fainted. She was so beautiful and to taste Her spit was a dream come true. She probably did it to get it over and done with, not realising I was now addicted. It took another couple of weeks, but slowly but surely She got used to my craziness. Her sensational saliva didn’t come easy though. I really had to beg and grovel for it. She would order me to kneel, open my mouth and then kept me waiting. She talked with the other Girls while I was down on my knees catching flies. It was very humiliating and it made Her look so powerful. I was still a kid and I didn’t have a pot to piss in, but I would have surrendered everything to Her. All in the name of spit. The next year we went to different schools and I never saw Karin again. Such a spity.