A man and his dick, that’s close harmony, isn’t it. A lot of guys even nicknamed the joystick between their legs: Vlad the Impaler, Pile-Driver, Dicktator, Peter the Great, Womb Raider; the list is endless. One of my close friends is Chinese and he calls his dick Yellow Submarine. But guys, it’s all fine and dandy that we’re walking penises (aka dickheads), but our dick is not a magic wand or a skeleton key. So adding a dick-pic to an introduction mail is just gross and insulting. A Mistress I once knew used to trash those mails immediately. “I’m not interested in single-celled organisms,” She used to say. And She was right, of course. If you’re so in love with your own dick, then marry the fucking thing. So be proud of it, nickname it and have a fabulous time with it, but don’t parade it around as if it’s the Holy Grail. It’s not, it’s a piece of meat, a slimy bratwurst. Keep it in your pants till Mistress tells you otherwise.
“Once upon a time three slaves got sacked in the morning. Slave no. 1 couldn’t handle it and became vindictive. He bombarded the Lady with mails and wrote extremely nasty things on forums and blogs to ruin Her reputation. Slave no. 2 did quite the opposite: he wrote hundreds of sweet begging mails and text-messages, had gifts and flowers sent to Her home, followed Her around and even went to the same parties as She did. Slave no. 3 did none of these things, he kissed Her hand, thanked Her for everything and left for good.” The teacher smiled and said: “Now, there’s a huge mistake in this story, can anyone tell Me what that is?” She was searching for a bit of brain of course, but the pupils of class 2-A of the Novice Slave Academy had none to give. After three empty-headed minutes She explained: “this was not a story of three slaves: it was a story of a jerk, a stalker and a slave.”