A man and his dick, that’s close harmony, isn’t it. A lot of guys even nicknamed the joystick between their legs: Vlad the Impaler, Pile-Driver, Dicktator, Peter the Great, Womb Raider; the list is endless. One of my close friends is Chinese and he calls his dick Yellow Submarine. But guys, it’s all fine and dandy that we’re walking penises (aka dickheads), but our dick is not a magic wand or a skeleton key. So adding a dick-pic to an introduction mail is just gross and insulting. A Mistress I once knew used to trash those mails immediately. “I’m not interested in single-celled organisms,” She used to say. And She was right, of course. If you’re so in love with your own dick, then marry the fucking thing. So be proud of it, nickname it and have a fabulous time with it, but don’t parade it around as if it’s the Holy Grail. It’s not, it’s a piece of meat, a slimy bratwurst. Keep it in your pants till Mistress tells you otherwise.